The Shitshow Tarot Spread

Ever had one of those days at work that can only be described as a shitshow? I have. This past Monday, in fact. It was such a nightmare that I couldn’t wait to get home and feed it to my cards, because what better way is there to process a long day from hell than to sit down with a deck that’s gonna tell all? I mean, booze is an option, sure, but we tarotistas know there’s a better go-to than that, with 78 different options for helping flush away the shitshow blues…

the shitshow spread is not only about looking into a shitty situation, but also about calling us out on our shit.

Let’s face it, this shit ain’t gonna do us any good if we don’t look into the role we play in the situation. It’s a simple 5 card spread that makes use of the shadow card -aka – the card you find on the bottom of the deck after shuffling, cutting and pulling the 4 main cards of the spread.


The Shitshow Spread by Speak of Secrets – dealing with a shitshow? Why not ask your cards about it?!


For my read, I chose to work with The Wildwood Tarot, since it is the most brutally honest no-holds-barred deck in my collection, and I wanted an honest ass-kicking for any part of the shitshow was my own. As usual, The Wildwood Tarot did not disappoint with it’s literal accuracy:



WTF Is This Shit – This card gives us an overview of the situation, it asks what this shitshow is all about: Ace of Bows: The trouble here is that everyone in the process wants to have a say in the creative direction of the project. There are a lot of egos involved, my own included.

My Role In This Shit – This card asks what role we are meant to play in this shit: Death: I’m here to help transition the way the current process is operating. When I accepted this gig it was with the understanding that there was a need for leadership, with the goal of moving me into a position where I can exert some influence. At the moment, there isn’t a proper leadership role open, leaving me feeling underutilized and undervalued. This card is apt in that my desire is to strip things down to thier bare essentials, and transform the whole bloody mess into a more organized process that will run smoothly and fairly for EVERYONE.

How To Not Lose My Shit – What can we do that will help us remain calm, cool, and collected in the middle of this shit show: King of Stones: Basically this card is saying stay grounded and DON’T lose your shit, while advising me to exhibit my leadership skills by setting an example of being calm, cool, and collected. The leader of the pack needn’t to get down and dirty with drama, rather they should hold thier own counsel in communicating as needed.

Call Me On My Shit – aka The Am-I-As-Hot-Shit-As-I-Think-I-Am card: Queen of Vessels: Like the Queen Salmon here, I am definitely swimming upstream at the moment! This queen feels things deeply; her compassion makes her aware of any injustices. This Queen reminds me that while it’s wise to observe and check-in with my emotional response to the inequity I see, going full diva with broadcasting those emotions while in the workplace may result in more rapids to swim against. An interesting additional point: this card often comes up in readings as an indication of the need for a fearless work ethic.

The Shit Shadow – The bottom card from the deck, a central insight of the overall situation: 8 of Arrows: The struggle is real! The card always makes me think of the saying “when in hell, keep on moving – the way out is through.” I need to understand that this isn’t a short game, and until I’m in a position to more effectively enact the changes I envision, it might be best to keep my emotions in-check, and on simply keep trudging along.


So there ya have it – a spread to read on any shithsows you may be so unfortunate to encounter in your life! Hopefully this spread will be of some use to you other card slingers out there, since as we all know, shit happens!